d0ntlook_now

needed to get that out.

sooo anyway.. i ate mcdonalds today.. for the first time in years. i am sooo disgusted by myself.. it's so disgustingggg. but i can't complain about it this time too much.. it wasn't too bad.. i probably found it to not be too bad because i had it at 2:00am and hadn't eaten anything since 9:00am the morning before. and what i ate at 9:00am yesterday morning was no where near substantial. anyway.. i really don't plan to be having mcdonalds again for another couple years. with the possible exception of the fries. theres something not quite right about those fries.. or maybe too right. i think they might be god sent or something. i mean, they don'ttt go bad EVER.. (the experiment on "super size me" was frightening/amazing.) and they're SOOOO good.

as you can probably tell by the time stamp on this.. i haven't broken my terrible sleeping pattern like i had planned to (a few entries previous to this.) you know, i should be tired too.. i got home at 2:00am having been out the majority of the day.. and on the way home i was incredibly tired.. thought i would just fall asleep right there and then. maybe it was the mcdonalds that woke me up..

so, i'm quite... confused? i don't even know if confused is the right word for it..
you know, i've always been able to sort myself out.. always. no matter how much i rant on here.. and sayy that i can't.. i just always do. but i'm feeling a roadblock here now.. i really do hope i can get past it.. because i'm not quite ready to fail at this and have someone else (like my mother) sort me out instead.

hmm.. i suppose i'll try and get some sleep now.. i've almost given up on having a normal sleeping pattern.. but i still need some sleep anyway.

goodnight..er... good morning?
tsp♥

Feeling:	contemplative
Hearing:	thnks fr th mmrs - fall out boy

"since when did you get so bitter?" (directed at me the other day.) oh, i'm terrible. i can be so cold sometimes.. and i don't want to be that way. i am relativly happy now.. but usually i need to make myself happy, no one else can do it for me.. soo i guess i need to keep working on it.

i don't think that last bit made much sense, or flowed very well at all. hmm my entire journal is just overflowing with punctuation errors.. i never capitalize a thing. i just don't like the way it looks when it's captalized in the right places.

i would continue on, but my laptop keeps giving me "low battery" pop ups and i'm too lazy to go into the other room to get the charger. i'll take the "low battery" as a sign that i need to get to bed.

tsp♥

Feeling:

blah

i hate having to dumb myself down to hold a conversation with you. if i have to translate what i'm saying to basic english for you, i'd just rather save myself the time and energy.. it isn't worth it.

you swear too much. when it's not even necessary. it really gets annoying after a while. and sometimes it's just not appropriate. is there no other descriptive word you could thing of other than "fuck" ??? i'm fucking happy. i'm fucking sad. i know it emphasizes it.. but couldn't you use something else? also, what a waste of time to have to add "what the fuck" into a sentences like "what is wrong with you?" to make it "what the fuck is wrong with you?" yeah, i sound pretty ridiculous right now... but anyway..

u type lik dis. WHY?! WHYYYYYY must you type that way? honestly now, it's not doing anyone a favor. just when you thought the english language could not sink any lower, then came "computer talk" WHAT is that? are you a CAVEMAN? just add "h" to that "wat" and you'd look so much less foolish. it's not that difficult. YOU CAN DO IT! PLEASE, PLEASE SAVE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

you're depressing. you just are. i have my own problems, i don't need yours. and even though i do have my own problems, i don't dump them onto whom ever will listen.. or that i can trick into listening. okay, sure i'm nice, i'll listen once in a while & try to help you out.. but don't take advantage of my kindness, it goes away quickly.

you talk too much. about nonsense. i really don't care about every detail of your life... get a diary or something. or an LJ ;)

you're boring. yes, it's true.. you are boring. you don't have to be... but you are.

all we ever talk about is your life. and it's not that interesting. ever talk to someone and all they can talk about is themselves? not even while trying to relate themselves to you. just talking about themselves for the hell of it. i don't need a play by play of your life, especially if it goes something like "sooo i woke up this morning and went to brush my teeth & i found that my mom moved the toothbrush holder and i woke her up to ask where it is and she said 'JUST LOOK' and i was like FINE and i opened the cupboard and there it was... but why would she even put it in there? i thought it was called a medicine cabinet for a reason? and so then i brushed my teeth & got ready and came to school and then..." WOW REALLYYY? THATS GREAT! I'VE GOT TO GO RIP MY EARS OFF NOW SEE YOU LATER THOUGH.

you stand way too close to me when you talk. just back up a little bit okay? just a little, i can still hear you don't worry. just TAKE A STEP BACK.

yes, i did have specific people in mind while doing some of these. so, if you feel like i'm avoiding you or i've stopped talking to you... then you could very well be doing one of these things. don't try to fix it.. always be yourself.. just be yourself somewhere else because i still don't want to talk to you.

also, sorry if this is a bit harsh.. but it's my journal, you didn't have to read it.

love you =)

tabitha♥

Feeling:	complacent
Hearing:	cool - gwenie

anyway, yesterday was awesome. i quite enjoyed it. i think it was the happiest i have been in a very long time. not because of what we did or where we went or presents or anything.. just because.

soo we went to the keg mansion.. it was really nice i liked it. i loveee the decor in that place.. especially since it's pretty close to the original decoration of the place. i seem to like places like that. like there, and david duncan house. they just don't build houses like that anymore.
it's supposed to be haunted, the keg mansion.. & although there was a bit of a spooky feel (that could have just been my head telling me that it was spooky, when in actuality it wasn't) but i didn't see any ghosts or anything along those lines.

okay sooo anyway.. i have some family over at the moment so i think i'll leave it here for now.. i may post later.

♥tabitha

Feeling:

content

anyway, yes here i am posting at all hours of the morning.. nothing better to do with my time. soo i gained 2lbs throughout the day today.. & i'm surprised it was only two. i baked until about 12am. i've never baked so much in my whole life. i'm veryy surprised that i didn't manage to burn the house down. you see, i cannot cook to save my life, yet today i didn't burn anything.. (well, not an entire batch of anything anyway..) and i didn't cause any fires.. the smoke detector didn't go off once. after i hadn't burned the second batch of brownies, i realized i was on a roll & kept on going. all together i made:

- 2 batches of brownies
-cookies
-raspberry turnovers
-double chocolate cake
-mini cheesecakes

i'm definitely going to gain a few over the next couple days. i better be back to yesterdays weight by my birthday on friday though.. i've got to fit into my dress. also, i don't want to look like a fat cow in my pictures. oh wellll, i'll just go to the gym on thursday & i'll be fine.

anyway, i think i ought to be off to bed.. i need to fall back into a sleeping pattern not of a nocturnal being.

toodles.
tp♥

Feeling:

distressed

today, i feel pretty damn good. oh, the irony.

anyway, i'm not too sure what's wrong with me.. i cannot eat, i cannot sleep.. & i seem to be living on water. i'm just nottt hungry. i try to eat, but i just can't.. so what's the point of force feeding myself right? well, actually i'm going to have to force feed myself if i plan to drink at all.. so, i guess i'll have to force feed myself eventually.. but yeah, for the moment, why bother?

the not being able to sleep part, on the other hand, has GOT to stop. that, i'm worried about. becauseee lack of sleep takes a negative toll on ones appearance.. & i definitely can't have that.

also, i think i have a new found poker addiction. i'm not sure if this is good or bad. i guess we'll see.

hmmm, anyway, i think i'll be off now..
toodles.

tsp♥

Feeling:	complacent
Hearing:	superman's dead - our lady peacee