Once upon a time, a long time ago, I saw a psychiatrist. Yes, I did. If you think that makes me crazy, that's fine.
Now, I usually would not do such a thing as actually go to see a psychiatrist, as I don't know if I believe in it quite yet. Well, I probably believe in it a little more now than I did then. But anyway.
I went on the suggestion of a friend, who also happens to be a therapist. Being someone who looks down their nose at self-help books, naturally, I was against the idea. As my anxiety attacks grew worse, and my life became more complicated, however, I gave in and made an appointment. It's not that I suddenly believed that a few sessions with a psychiatrist would turn my life around and make me "whole" again (or whatever the hell people supposedly achieve with such sessions). But I did, and still do, believe in proper medicine. I'm not saying that everyone should be on anti-depressants. That would depress me. I believe that if you are sick, you need to medicate. So, I went to this... doctor... (wow, that was hard to even type) so that he could do his job. Which should be to diagnose and medicate in the way that he sees fit as a medical professional.
I arrived for my appointment and was soon called in. The first thing he said to me: "So, Tabitha, what can I do for you today?" So, I started telling him about my anxiety, etc, etc. After telling him what's wrong and having him apparently ignore me completely, he pulled out a notepad and began to write my biography. He literally asked me my life history. As we finished the biography part of the biography part of the appointment, it became clear (or I thought it would have) that certain past events have shaped my outlook and my interaction with certain parts of my environment. However, no such conclusion was made by Dr. Iwenttoonlinemedschool (name has been somewhat altered for confidentiality). Instead he closed his notepad and asked me if I drink coffee, which I do, so I answered "yes." He then asked me how many cups of coffee I drink on a regular day. At the time it was about two but never more than 3, and only 3 on rare occasions (as it was then). So that's what I told him that. I changed the topic immediately, as I saw where that was going. I asked him what he thinks about my history and current situation. It went like this:
Me:"I just want to know if there is something I can do about how I am feeling right now. Because I don't think it's very healthy to feel like this all the time."
Him:"Well, it seems that this is an issue for you."
Him:"I think it is rooted in your past. What do you think?"
Me:"I'm sure it must be. With members of my family dropping dead all the time and my obvious father issues."
Him:"I don't believe that you are unjust with feeling the way you do, considering your history"
Me:"...Neither do I..."
Him:"Good then. So you now know that it's okay to feel the way you're feeling."
Me:"I don't feel guilty for feeling that way. I'm just saying that it's not a very happy place."
Him:"Of course it isn't..."
Me:"Um.. so what should I do? About these.. 'abandonment issues' I guess I would call it"
Him:"Abandonment issues! Now, that's a good term for it!"
Him:"I'm going to tell you to stop drinking coffee. Okay? No more coffee."
Me:"Because I have abandonment issues?"
Him:"Yes, that and your anxiety."
He then asked me if there was anything more he could do for me. I actually let out a small laugh as that statement made the assumption that he had already done something for me. Looking back though, it probably made me look a little nuts. Not that he would have noticed if I was.
Basically, I had to tell HIM what my issue is (the abandonment thing). And his cure for that, as well as severe anxiety? Quit coffee. 1. So that I can be tired, as wellllll as anxious? Hmm, no thanks. 2. FUCK THAT SHIT. Don't FUCK with my caffeine.
So, to anyone who: has had parents/close family members die spontaneously multiple times throughout their life (including orphans, people from war torn countries); has had an unhealthy relationship with someone years older who is actually attempting to devastate you mentally; has had a childhood that includes witnessing divorce/estrangement; has severe anxiety attacks due to the aforementioned and/or moderate to high stress situations that occur in everyday life. Put down that coffee cup. Right now. It will save your life. Think there's something else you can do about it? Think again. "But I don't even drink coffee" you say? Well, you're fucked. Good luck with that.
On January 19th, 2011 03:41 pm (UTC), (Anonymous) commented:
Sounds like you hit the nail on the head RE his/her obtaining a med-school degree online.
Not everyone is Dr. Melfi though... do not let this bad apple spoil your view on fruit in general.
There is power in healing complicated/deep-seated wounds of the past. Especially the ones that you are AWARE of (as saying/thinking them serves to create self-fulfilling prophecies which then can't help but come true).
just my two cents... but you can have a discount.